so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
