if you like me you must not know who I am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
