its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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