people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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