Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
