i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
