She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
