I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
