i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
