i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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