He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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