Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
