guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
