i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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