Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
