do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
