I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
