you traded sex for a burrito?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
