he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
