she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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