If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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