guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
