You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
