you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
