In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
