What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
