Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
