Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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