My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
