I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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