Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
