the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
