My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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