He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
