My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
