then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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