there's paper in my vomit.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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