Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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