Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
