Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
