then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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