is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
