at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
