well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
