He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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