LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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