it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
