We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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