Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
