I need help removing her.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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