You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
