How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
