well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
