I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
